Anyhow, I think my theme is pretty cool, and ever since I had the idea for this project months and months ago the idea has excited me. My stories have this common theme, but they’re all fairly different stories, and excite me in their own unique ways.

One story in particular stars a brother and sister, Cory and Anna. I had written the first chunk of this story a few years back and never really touched it. It occurred to me today that I should finish this story, andd encorporate my theme into this story. I didn’t really remember that I’d written, but I remembered the general idea of it.

There is nothing that quite makes my head so big as picking up something I’d written years ago and forgotten about, only to read it and go, wow. This really isn’t bad at all!   As a general rule (that I would love to start breaking more often) after I finish writing anything I feel like tearing it up and throwing it away.  I’m quite pleased to be breaking my own rules on this one.

I’m a little bit scared to pick the story up now and continue it. I’m pretty convinced I’m going to ruin it. It looks like my general state of being is sinking back in….

I tweeted early today that I have more story ideas than time, which is really true. I have a novel going, about five short stories, and this evening I need to spend some time writing down all the thoughts I have for this other novel idea so that eventually, when I get to it, I’ll remember what the idea was. The problem is that when I write these things down I just sort of write my train of thoughts, so that I make sure to get them all down, and then later when I read these messy  files I think “What was I thinking? This is atrocious!”

I guess I should try and write my outline files more like persuasive essays, convincing my future self that my current self does, in fact, know things.

When I write sentences like the one above I’m reminded how being a writer makes me sound like I’m becoming more mentally unhinged every single day. Early today I was talking about how I think my charachter should do these certain things and then burst out “But I can’t do that, because that’s not who she IS!” …because the people I made up are in some ways real, I guess.

Yeah, I worry about me a little sometimes, too.

I can communicate. I have many gifts at my disposal to communicate in many different ways. This is something to be incredibly thankful for, and I wish I didn’t sometimes slip into self pity and forget how amazing that really is. Writing is my favorite thing, it’s what I want to do most, and I can do it. Why focus on what I can’t do?

In an earlier post about Flannery O’Connor (a writer who had I had much in common with including being chronically ill) I included a quote I’ve kept on my desktop for a few years now to help remind myself of all of this.

“I am making out fine in spite of any conflicting stories…I have enough energy to write with and as that is all I have any business doing anyhow, I can with one eye squinted take it all as a blessing. What you have to measure out, you come to observe more closely, or so I tell myself.” – Flannery O’Connor

Today I was trying to write an article when I had to pull out another sheet and let my brain get down a story idea I was having. It’s all about lightbulbs…ok, it’s only sort of about lightbulbs. Most importantly, it’s fun.

I have this story I’ve been writing for months, two of the main characters are named Sam and Nick. I have a “Sam and Nick” playlist on my computer that I listen to and let my mind wander off to different places where my characters are living and breathing.

I’m trying to keep a normal sleep schedule, where I sleep at night and get up early in the morning, but I think H.P Lovecraft put best why it is I have difficulty with this…

At night, when the objective world has slunk back into its cavern and left dreamers to their own, there come inspirations and capabilities impossible at any less magical and quiet hour. No one knows whether or not he is a writer unless he has tried writing at night.
H. P. Lovecraft

“Sometimes you have to go on when you don’t feel like it, and sometimes you’re doing good work when it feels like all you’re managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position.”
Stephen King

All the same, I think I’ll read what I’ve written in a few days…or weeks…and just keep going.