27 Oct

I Pledge Allegiance to Myself

I read two different articles this morning about disabled people not being treated like people. And I was mad for them. And I was sad for them. And I felt defeated, for myself.

I was an abused child. I was told I was worthless.
I was a smart girl. I was told this hurt other people.
I became a disabled young adult. I was told I’d be better off dead.

And through all of that I was angry and stubborn and I fought.

But then somewhere along the way, I stopped fighting for myself. I let it in. I believed it.

I hear other people talk about self care, and I applaud and support their efforts. But that’s not for me, because I already spend too much time held back by my health. It’s not for me, because I already spend too much time slowed down by flashbacks. It’s not for me, because giving something to myself is taking something from someone else.

Today I promise to cut it the fuck out.

Today I promise to treat myself how I’d treat someone else.

Today I promise to take care of myself.

Today I promise to stop listening to people who treat me like I’m less.

Today I promise to stop doing it to myself.

Today I promise to stop making myself smaller.

Today I promise to celebrate my own life.

Today I promise to stop looking for role models elsewhere, and find it in myself.