It’s sort of funny how you can figure out exactly what to do to make everything you’ve wanted happen, and it’s just a matter of doing it, and you don’t. So, Faith, what are you scared of? Rejection? That if you get everything you ever wanted you won’t know what to want then? That maybe you can’t do it afterall? That maybe if you do this you’ll have to let go of your pain, your demons, those things your parents did to you, your nightmares and that it means REALLY letting it all go?

It’s funny how that last part SOUNDS like such a great thing, but I recognize that twinge of fear in my stomach.

I guess the best way to explain it is if you were born with a tumor on your arm. It’s a terrible thing, it’s killing you, it’s hideous. People give you lots of platitudes about how this tumor will make you stronger and a better person, but the truth is that when it comes time to cut the thing off no one else hesitates even for a moment, finally, you have an answer! You will be rid of this tumor one and for all!  And while you hate the tumor for everything, you have a hard time getting around the idea of cutting off something you’ve always had. It’s a big part of who you are, and how will you be without it?

Bizarre, the things I’m scared of. Bizarre.